Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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