dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
