what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
