I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
