I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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