GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
