When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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