You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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