somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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