worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
