Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
