grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
jump out the window naked night went bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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