NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
