I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
