What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
