Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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