uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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