Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
