So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We left the knife in your bed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
