K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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