I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
