Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize