so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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