I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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