I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
tell me about the eggs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
