winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
