The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
