Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
