He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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