Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
