So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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