I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
