Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
