everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
