MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
