I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
