I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
