Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
