dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize