You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
