dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
