Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
