She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
