Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
