he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found the puke drawer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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