Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
