So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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