We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
