There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize