I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
