Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize