i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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