Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
