When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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