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Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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