I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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