I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
