I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
