i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
