so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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