thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
